


But These Scars Are Mine And Mine To Wield

by tamethewoods



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Injury, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Scars, Slash, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:28:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24010594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tamethewoods/pseuds/tamethewoods
Summary: "The serum isn't what it used to be, Steve knows that. He also knows that his body, although his, isn't completely his, and sometimes, against his will, he had to do things that he's not totally on board with, even when he really doesn't mind having scars."
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	But These Scars Are Mine And Mine To Wield

**Author's Note:**

> confession: I don't know how to use avant garde in a sentence, but here I am, doing it anyway. enjoy.

The scars that Steve couldn’t shake, even after all these years, still lingered in his mind. Even after the remarkable, astonishing and empowering effects of the serum pulsing through his veins successfully healed him, fevers dampened and aches vanished, he still had the scars. 

A dime-sized bullet hole that marred the skin below his right clavicle.

A pale, smooth line that ran through the left hypochondrium quadrant of his abdomen and ended just above his belly button.

A jagged, ugly tear where old skin used to be but was now replaced with new, forever-pink flesh on the back of his hand.

And a permanent slash across the back of a bicep, large and imposing across the perfect skin on his arm.

Why the serum couldn’t take care of these scars like all the rest of his injuries, Steve didn’t know. Maybe the impression of the injuries that came from each incident was just enough to leave an everlasting reminder that he was _still human_. 

Steve didn’t necessarily hate these scars; didn’t love them either. He was indifferent about the imperfections. In his opinion, they made him human, and although he was more than human, they made him feel as normal as a giant, super-soldier could. Maybe he didn’t hate them as much because, at night, when they were all tucked in their bed, Bucky would kiss each one of them and whisper quiet declarations of love and adoration against his skin. It made Steve’s heart feel all warm and loved.

Which, reminded him, that not all scars were physical.

The ones on his heart, not visible but just as real, of preteen asthma attacks and a dead father too young and Bucky, falling again, every night in his dreams, seemed enough to make him hate them.

But, Bucky was there every morning, kissing the top of his head and cradling Steve’s body to his.

xxx

“You’ve gotta understand where they’re coming from, soldier. Technically, although in any other case illegal, your body is theirs. You knew what you signed up for when you stepped into that chamber 70 years ago.” Fury said, reclining in his office desk chair. 

“But I don’t understand why my scars are causing such a big deal. No one ever sees them. No one ever even gets that close to me for proof I’ve got ‘em. I know I’m not supposed to have them, serum and all, but I’m _human,_ Nick.” Fury sighed, long and hard. 

“You’re lucky that’s all the board wants, for now. I convinced them to let you keep those few freckles that show up in July.”

“And what’s the point of this, exactly?”

“Human mitigation, mostly. If the public sees that Captain America, their very own Mr. Faith and Glory himself, isn’t perfect, they’ll lose their trust in SHIELD, and our ability to protect them. They’ll think the serum is failing you, a shelf-life that might prove to be your demise.”

Fury took a look around, eyes suspicious. “Also, it makes certain-“ Fury coughed hard, “politicians on said board nervous. Even something that _should_ be so certain and perfect has its faults.” 

Steve was sensing this conversation about his scars had taken on an underlying meaning.

He sighed, once and heavy, admitting defeat. Really, it probably wouldn’t be so bad. He only had a couple spots to touch up, he was Captain America for cryin’ out loud. Fixing the scars wouldn’t be nearly as fatal as receiving them in the first place. 

“So this whole things a power move, then.” He didn’t ask. 

“They say they’re on your side, Steve. Until you make them mad. It’s not 100% personal, yet. Let’s keep it that way.”

“When?” Steve asked. 

“Tomorrow, first thing. Stark’s got the stuff, then a few days recovery, for good measure.”

Steve left, brisk and oddly unsettled. 

xxx

“State of the art equipment, gentlemen!” Tony announced, arms flailing in display as they exited the descending ramp to his garage. Steve and Bucky looked upwards at the giant, looming black machines. The mechanisms took up more than half of the garage, cords and pieces everywhere.

“What in Sam’s name is this?” Bucky muttered, stepping closer to Steve. Onlookers would have thought it was in fear, but Steve knew Bucky didn’t want him to do this. This was in protection. Bucky knew what Steve was about to do and he was just as against it as Steve was. 

_Sappy git._

_You’ve defied the government before, Steve. Why is this time any different?_

“The first ever high-tech keloid removal. Not even the worst of cicatrix’s can withstand this laser. Multi-function rays, a formidable base sequence, and .07 mm width makes this procedure almost nonexistent to the touch.” Tony knelt, eye level with the tip of the laser. “And, with my coffee-powered hands, this’ll be easy-breezy, Cap.”

Steve inhaled, taking in the monstrous tool. “It’d be easy-breezy if I didn’t have to do this at all, Tony.”

Tony sighed, shoulders slouching, eyes genuinely understanding. “I know, Steve. But I got the best-of-the-best equipment just to ensure that this will be nothing major – just a small burning flesh smell and you’re outta here, back to the bedroom so you and buddy-Bucky can get back to whatever you guys do in there.”

Steve grimaced. “How does it work?”

“We’ll just sit ya on this chair, Barnes can come of course, and _we would have_ given you some painkiller, but seeing as your super metabolism won’t take it, you’ll just close your eyes and relax and let me do all the hard stuff. Probably won’t feel a thing anyways, knowing you. Bullets in your gut and all.”

“And it’ll just remove my scars?” Steve asked skeptically. 

“Remove, no. Cover, sort of. We’ll take some skin grafts from your foot - that’ll easily grow back, no problem. The laser will slowly take off that very top layer of skin, trying to create a flat surface. Because scar tissue’s fiber composition is incredibly different than the typical collagen makeup, we can’t just remove the scar - that modified collagen is now an integral part of your skin. Once the area is smooth enough, we’ll graft over the area to give your skin the same glowing complexion all over your body, including down below-“

“Okay Tony, we get it.”

“But why’s it gotta be so big?” Bucky mumbled unhappily, eyes staring.

“Avant garde, Barnes. I don’t do anything without a little style.”

xxx

“I don’t know, Buck. It’s minor, so I’m not worried. I’m just-“ Steve stopped. He really didn’t know what he was feeling. 

“Tired of people trying to control you.” Bucky didn’t phrase it as a question because he knew it wasn’t one. His whisper in the midnight air reverberated throughout the large bedroom, seeming to seal its truth on the walls. Like usual, he was right. Steve hated how people could control him. Ever since he was young, 100 lbs sopping wet, people had been trying to gain some sort of power over him. The bullies on the schoolyard, the Enlistment Office in Brooklyn, Colonel Phillips. This was just another thing. 

Bucky grabbed his hand under the sheets, smoothing his thumb over the scar on the back of it. 

“Stevie, I know you. Better than anyone else on this planet, or anyone who has been on this planet, ever,” Bucky mentioned, including those from 1940. “You’re headstrong, and brave, and you follow your heart. You followed me all the way into another century, babe.” Steve’s eyes crinkled at that. “You put your mind to something, and God better help the poor soul that gets in your way. If you don’t wanna go through with it tomorrow, I’m 100% behind you, you know that. If you do get the surgery,” he said, poking Steve’s chest gently, “I’ll be right there with ya. You ‘n me to the end, sweetheart.” 

After that, Steve slept without dreams. 

xxx

He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t move. Every inhale felt like fire in his chest and every exhale felt like his lungs were exploding.

“Stark!” Bucky roared. “Fix him!” Steve grabbed Bucky’s hand, desperately, trying to will the skin off his body.

“Buck-“ Steve gasped.

“Stevie, baby, hold on, okay? Tony’s gonna get ya fixed up, and you’ll feel all better, and everything’s gonna be fine, doll…,” Bucky rambled on, grasping the side of Steve’s face. Steve always loved how, in a panic, Bucky’s seemingly nonexistent Brooklyn accent made a sudden reappearance.

Too bad he couldn’t fully appreciate his accent now, though, as he was preoccupied with trying to _breathe_.

And then, Tony came after him with a giant needle full of sloshing fluid and he clutched Bucky’s frantic arms as he faded away.   
  
---


End file.
